April 15th 2015, 21:16

My world ended.

Spectacularly.

I can still go over this day in such detail... It was a beautiful Wednesday. I was supposed to start diving again with him. I was supposed to be his "guineau pig" for the transfer over to SSI. We were planning our December trip to Thailand ...to try and recreate what should have been our honeymoon.

The last time I saw him, he kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me and that he would pick me up at 5 and then reminded me not be late. He was wearing a blue T-Shirt with his cargo work pants. "I love you my darling" was the last thing he said.

5:00;, my German teacher called to say she wasn't feeling well so the lesson was cancelled. I messaged him immediately, telling him to take his time - there was no longer a need to rush. I did find it odd that he hadn't messaged me beforehand but chalked it up to him working. He was doing an underwater job in the river..maybe he needed more time. 

5:30; no response to my message..again, I thought nothing of it. 6:00...I had a tingling feeling... I knew him so well, he would have at least stopped to message me if he was still busy telling me to find my way home. I called him, it went straight to voicemail. I messaged him, he hadn't read it. I thought..he probably left his phone in the car.

6:30, I knew something was off. I started calling frantically. 6:31, 32, 33, 35. No answer, straight to voicemail. Left an angry message. "where are you?! ...you know I hate when you do this!". He knows that I am really angry when I say "Felix" and then continue with my sentence.

7:00, I called BW...if he wasn't talking to me, he would be talking to him. BW said that he sent Felix a message at 2:30 but no response... he asked me "why, what's the problem?". I explained....

He then said "okay, come over and we can make some calls". I remember thinking, throughout my ride in the tram, the ways I was going to punish him for this. I arrived at their place, was handed a glass of wine and we calmly thought of the people who might know where he was. The first person that crossed my mind was DN. After all, Felix was doing this job with another person. This person was being taught by DN.

I called him up, the conversation started normally.

"Hi! this is NCK, Felix's wife, how are you?"

"Well, yes but no, but yes..but no".

"Okay, why what's wrong?"

"I just learned about Felix"

"What about Felix?!"

"Why are you calling me NCK?"

"For this reason exactly! I can't get through to him, he won't pick up his phone..." And then I started crying...

BW yanked the phone and started talking.."yes, yes, yes, mmhmm" That's all I heard. Their conversation ended.

"What did he say?"

"You need to sit down.."

"NO! Tell me what he said NOW!"

"He says that Felix is gone.."

"GONE WHERE?!"

"I don't know, we need to call the cops"

At this point, BW's wife, LW gently sat me down and gave me a cup of tea. I jumped right up and started pacing their ridiculously tiny garden...I remember thinking "why is this garden so small?!". BW called the cops ...At 8 pm, I called SMK....I told him that I couldn't get a hold of Felix and that I'm right now in BW's house and waiting for the cops to get back to me. "Okay...don't worry, I'll be right there...but I do have to tell the parents"

"Fine...you tell them, because I can't tell them that I don't know where their son is..."

8:45; my in-laws walked in along with SMK and his fiancée. My Mother-in-law rushed to me and just held me.."it will all be okay..don't worry.."

9:05; two men walked into the house. "Hello, I am inspector Genet"

I said, "Just tell me that he is alive and then you can tell me anything else...".

"Mrs. K..I need you to sit down.."

"NO! Tell me NOW!"

"I will not say a word until you sit down Mrs. K..."

My mother-in-law pulled my arm and gently sat me down..holding me. Then he started..

"Felix was doing an underwater job in the river, everything was fine. According to eye-witnesses, he came back up, everything was fine. Then he went back down....and didn't come back up. A few passers-by saw something in the water which alerted his dive buddy. The buddy yelled out to them - can you see my friend?! Yes...he is in the water and he is not moving. They scrambled down and pulled him out of the water. "Il était déjà inanimé" ...he wasn't breathing, his heart wasn't beating. The ambulance was there within 3 minutes. We tried to bring him back for 45 min...."

9:16; " I am so sorry...we tried very hard but we couldn't bring him back"

"We have taken all his dive material into custody for forensic testing"

My world ended with "I am so sorry" I didn't cry.

I called my parents...mom had just landed in Lagos, she was home when I called Dad. "Papa, Felix was in a dive accident"

"Oh shoot!..is he okay?"

"Papa.......Felix died"

I hadn't cried, I didn't scream...but the guttural scream that came from papa's soul ...... he screamed for me. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"My princess, my little princess, do you want me to come???????? Should I stay away?? Anything..ANYTHING ....tell me what you want!"

"Come papa..."

Then mama spoke..."My princess please please please...please handle yourself...please don't do anything.. PLEASE!!!!....."

"Mama....I could never hurt you like that"

Then my sister's call came....crying "Didi...I love you....you are loved, you are not alone...you are not alone... I love you, I love you"

I told them not to tell KSC...he had his exams.

I was there but not there...I was alive but dead. I had no thought, not a single coherent thought . All I could remember thinking was "you can't throw up, you can't faint, you are not allowed to break". One foot in front of the other". "Open the car door" "Keep breathing..."