Anxiety...
There is no coherent thought when I experience the attack. It is an assault-mentally and physically. Every fear and insecurity I could possibly harbour shoots through the surface of the calm composure that I am trying in vain to maintain with an intensity that leaves me breathless.
Sometimes its visible, but most of the time it is masked. The frequency of these "melt downs" has taught me how to hide it. Anyone who has ever gone through an anxiety attack knows the symptoms. They do, of course, vary a little from person to person. For me, it starts as a knot in my stomach. This causes me to lose my appetite . It keeps getting bigger until I can barely breathe. I lose all concentration . When it hits (which could take seconds, minutes or days - there is no time limit), my entire body contracts from the build up of energy...I literally feel like I'm about to explode into a million pieces which will never be a put back together.
And then it happens.
Shortness of breath, blurry vision, nausea, tight chest, dry mouth. These are the effects of the explosion that happens inside . The longer it takes for the anxiety to come out, the more intense the outburst.
I have tried to stop it, I have tried to control it. I have tried to suppress it. Let me tell you...it is pointless. I have learned the hard way that it needs to come out. The sooner, the better. Voicing all those fears, your most crippling insecurities allows you not only to face yourself but is a step in accepting that you are not perfect. That you cannot be in control of everything, and most importantly...that it is okay. You don't need to tell anyone. I have simply just sat down in a private place and voiced them out loud to myself.
When it has passed, I realise that these thoughts are usually a creation of my idle mind or more often because I refuse to admit something to myself. I refuse to be vulnerable. I am irritated with myself for being hyper-sensitive.
There is no coherent thought when I experience the attack. It is an assault-mentally and physically. Every fear and insecurity I could possibly harbour shoots through the surface of the calm composure that I am trying in vain to maintain with an intensity that leaves me breathless.
Sometimes its visible, but most of the time it is masked. The frequency of these "melt downs" has taught me how to hide it. Anyone who has ever gone through an anxiety attack knows the symptoms. They do, of course, vary a little from person to person. For me, it starts as a knot in my stomach. This causes me to lose my appetite . It keeps getting bigger until I can barely breathe. I lose all concentration . When it hits (which could take seconds, minutes or days - there is no time limit), my entire body contracts from the build up of energy...I literally feel like I'm about to explode into a million pieces which will never be a put back together.
And then it happens.
Shortness of breath, blurry vision, nausea, tight chest, dry mouth. These are the effects of the explosion that happens inside . The longer it takes for the anxiety to come out, the more intense the outburst.
I have tried to stop it, I have tried to control it. I have tried to suppress it. Let me tell you...it is pointless. I have learned the hard way that it needs to come out. The sooner, the better. Voicing all those fears, your most crippling insecurities allows you not only to face yourself but is a step in accepting that you are not perfect. That you cannot be in control of everything, and most importantly...that it is okay. You don't need to tell anyone. I have simply just sat down in a private place and voiced them out loud to myself.
When it has passed, I realise that these thoughts are usually a creation of my idle mind or more often because I refuse to admit something to myself. I refuse to be vulnerable. I am irritated with myself for being hyper-sensitive.
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