At the memorial service less than a week after Felix died:
1) Oh my God, you are so young. Don't worry, you will find someone else...
This was when my FIL (Father-in-law) and BIL (brother-in-law) were standing either side of me. Here I am thinking..."Someone else?...as in a replacement?...else?!!!!!!!"
2) "I wish you all the courage and strength, I know it will be hard now that you are alone". I said to this woman " I am not alone, I have my family, my friends. I have a lot of work " She then replies with "Don't be mistakened ...you are alone. You are COMPLETELY alone in this - do not forget this, you will need all the courage"
My thoughts "Gee..thanks...how about I hand you a bat and you can beat it into me better..."
3) When an ex colleague of mine came to give his condolences...he does have a social disorder of some kind..I was fully aware of this. No matter which mood he is in, he always has a smile on his face. And talks very slowly..in a sing-song voice...the one which reminds you of Hannible - "Fava beans and a glass of Chianti"
"Oh N, I am so sorry for your loss, I was walking down the road and bumped into M - she told me everything. I really liked Felix"
"Thank you D, I liked him too, and I am sorry too..."
Then he cocked his head to the side, looked straight at me , with the most innocent smile on his face and the sing-song voice he said "He drowned ....didn't he?"
M shot a look at me from her desk...I think she half expected me to lunge at him and strangle him right then and there. Weirdly enough ...I cocked my head too, looked straight at him and in my sing-song voice said "No D, he didn't drown....he just stopped being. We don't know what happened. He just happened to be in the water. They can't find anything..."
For some reason I remembered that you must imitate the person to make them feel comfortable. D then said "Oh N, I am so very sorry"
"Me too D"
4)We I have two cats. At our local pet store where we would buy cat food and stuff, the sales ladies found out about Felix. I was buying stuff when she said "Where is he buried?"
"Uh...excuse me?...."
"Your husband, he died didn't he? - where is he buried?"
"Well, he was cremated and his ashes were spread in Rolle, I had to give back the urn...do you want the address of the lake?!"
No hello, no sorry, nothing..just "where is he buried?"
5) The first call I accepted from a family member:
" N, you need to be strong...this is God's will, he wanted it this way, this is God's will, this was supposed to happen"
I cried "please don't say that...are you telling me that it's God's will to take a husband, a son, a brother away from this family?"
6) "C'est la vie, deal with it. there is nothing else you can do"
"I know GODDAMIT! Just shut up! "shutupshutupshutup!
1) Oh my God, you are so young. Don't worry, you will find someone else...
This was when my FIL (Father-in-law) and BIL (brother-in-law) were standing either side of me. Here I am thinking..."Someone else?...as in a replacement?...else?!!!!!!!"
2) "I wish you all the courage and strength, I know it will be hard now that you are alone". I said to this woman " I am not alone, I have my family, my friends. I have a lot of work " She then replies with "Don't be mistakened ...you are alone. You are COMPLETELY alone in this - do not forget this, you will need all the courage"
My thoughts "Gee..thanks...how about I hand you a bat and you can beat it into me better..."
3) When an ex colleague of mine came to give his condolences...he does have a social disorder of some kind..I was fully aware of this. No matter which mood he is in, he always has a smile on his face. And talks very slowly..in a sing-song voice...the one which reminds you of Hannible - "Fava beans and a glass of Chianti"
"Oh N, I am so sorry for your loss, I was walking down the road and bumped into M - she told me everything. I really liked Felix"
"Thank you D, I liked him too, and I am sorry too..."
Then he cocked his head to the side, looked straight at me , with the most innocent smile on his face and the sing-song voice he said "He drowned ....didn't he?"
M shot a look at me from her desk...I think she half expected me to lunge at him and strangle him right then and there. Weirdly enough ...I cocked my head too, looked straight at him and in my sing-song voice said "No D, he didn't drown....he just stopped being. We don't know what happened. He just happened to be in the water. They can't find anything..."
For some reason I remembered that you must imitate the person to make them feel comfortable. D then said "Oh N, I am so very sorry"
"Me too D"
4)
"Uh...excuse me?...."
"Your husband, he died didn't he? - where is he buried?"
"Well, he was cremated and his ashes were spread in Rolle, I had to give back the urn...do you want the address of the lake?!"
No hello, no sorry, nothing..just "where is he buried?"
5) The first call I accepted from a family member:
" N, you need to be strong...this is God's will, he wanted it this way, this is God's will, this was supposed to happen"
I cried "please don't say that...are you telling me that it's God's will to take a husband, a son, a brother away from this family?"
6) "C'est la vie, deal with it. there is nothing else you can do"
"I know GODDAMIT! Just shut up! "shutupshutupshutup!
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